The Psychology of Small Changes: Why We Underestimate Our Ability to Recover
By Dr. Joan Neehall
A question I often ask clients is this:
“What if you’re stronger than you think?”
Most people pause.
Not because they don’t want to believe it.
But because life has convinced them otherwise.
A failed relationship. A job loss. A frightening diagnosis. A betrayal. A period of anxiety or depression that seems like it will never end.
When people imagine these events, they often predict that they will be devastated for years. Yet one of the most fascinating discoveries in psychology suggests that we are remarkably poor at predicting our future emotional lives.
Dan Gilbert’s Surprising Discovery
Harvard psychologist entity [“people”,“Daniel Gilbert”,“Harvard psychologist and author of Stumbling on Happiness”] spent much of his career studying what makes people happy.
His research led to a surprising conclusion:
We consistently overestimate how unhappy future setbacks will make us.
Gilbert and colleague Timothy Wilson discovered that most people fail to appreciate the power of what they called our psychological immune system—the mind’s natural ability to adapt, recover, find meaning, and restore emotional balance after adversity.
Think about that for a moment.
Many of us have survived things we once believed would break us.
Yet here we are.
Perhaps not unchanged.
But still standing.
Still growing.
Still capable of joy.
The Happiness Mistake We All Make
Gilbert argues that we spend much of our lives chasing what we believe will make us happy and avoiding what we think will make us miserable.
The problem?
Our predictions are often wrong.
We imagine:
• “I’ll be happy when…”
• “I’ll be miserable if…”
But happiness is less dependent on circumstances than we think and more dependent on our capacity to adapt than we realize.
As therapists, we see this every day.
A client survives a divorce and discovers unexpected freedom.
A grieving parent finds purpose in helping others.
A trauma survivor develops resilience they never knew they possessed.
Humans are far more psychologically resilient than they imagine.
Why Waiting to Feel Better Doesn’t Work
Another giant in psychology, entity[“people”,“Peter Lewinsohn”,“Behavioral Activation pioneer”], helped inspire what later became Behavioral Activation treatments for depression.
The principle is simple:
Action often comes before motivation.
Many people believe:
“When I feel motivated, I’ll start exercising.”
“When I feel less depressed, I’ll reconnect with friends.”
“When I feel better, I’ll begin living again.”
Behavioral Activation research suggests the opposite sequence is often more effective. Meaningful action creates positive reinforcement, and motivation frequently follows behavior rather than preceding it.
In other words:
You don’t wait until you feel better to start living.
You start living, and often begin to feel better.
What Positive Psychology Teaches Us
When entity [“people”,“Martin Seligman”,“Founder of Positive Psychology”] launched the Positive Psychology movement, he challenged psychology to ask a new question:
What makes life worth living?
Rather than focusing exclusively on reducing suffering, researchers began examining what helps people thrive.
The answers repeatedly pointed toward:
• Meaning
• Relationships
• Accomplishment
• Engagement
• Gratitude
• Acts of kindness
• Purpose
The science suggests that flourishing is not something we discover.
It is something we build.
One choice at a time.
A Challenge for July
This month, try what I call the Five-Minute Rule.
Every day, spend just five minutes doing one thing that contributes to your well-being:
• Walk outside.
• Call a friend.
• Write down three good things.
• Listen to music.
• Practice self-compassion.
• Sit quietly in nature.
Five minutes may seem insignificant.
But psychological change rarely occurs through grand gestures.
It occurs through repeated small actions.
As Aristotle observed more than two thousand years ago:
“We are what we repeatedly do.”
Modern psychology continues to prove he was right.
For Therapists
Ask your clients:
“What is one small action that the healthiest version of you would take this week?”
Not next year.
Not when they feel ready.
This week.
Because change often begins not with insight, but with movement.
Final Thought
The most hopeful finding in psychology may not be that life is easy.
It is that human beings are remarkably adaptable.
As Dan Gilbert reminds us, we possess a psychological immune system that is often stronger than we realize.
The next time life doesn’t go according to plan, remember:
You have survived 100% of your difficult days so far.
The evidence suggests you are probably stronger than you think.
Wishing you health, meaning, and resilience this July.
Dr. Joan Neehall Clinical Psychologist | Author | Speaker
